Health Care Crisis? Here's My Solution

Get your pens and paper ready folks, because once again I am putting my brilliance to work for the cause of good. Much like when I put forth my Three Step Process to cure AIDS, Ebola, and Cancer I am going to give the secret to saving the Health Care system in this country. They will definitely have to rename the Nobel Prize to the "Holy Crap Carnonymous Is A Genius" Prize. That has a lot better ring to it if I say so myself.

Many Americans think that we should move to a "free" health care system like Europe or Canada employs. Everyone who's a citizen has health care coverage and is taken care of in this liberal paradise. Sadly that isn't the fact. Europeans and Canadians pay much more in taxes than we do, and often they are forced to wait weeks or even months to get in to see a doctor much less have any major surgery.

It should be a telling sign that the Royals of the European nations and those that can afford it go to private doctors, and many of them come to the United States. So no a "free" health care system is most definitely not the answer.

Now what I am proposing isn't a catch all solution that is going to solve the entire problem but will cut out several hundred million (If not several billion) dollars worth of wasted money each year. In my home state of Texas the average insured citizen will pay over $1500 a year to cover those without insurance. This year alone an estimated $43 BILLION of medical bills will be left unpaid.

One of the biggest expenses in the health care system is so called "unpaid" health care, that is care for those without insurance, illegal aliens, or those that just choose not to pay. Here's my very simple process to solve this problem and put the money to better use.

1. If you were born after 1980, are without health care, and get cancer or some other kind of preventable disease caused by tobacco, alcohol, drug, or other forms of abuse you will not receive free health care. Simply put you should fucking know better, if you choose to smoke 3 packs a day and get lung cancer that's your fucking fault, you are basically committing a long slow suicide. You will be forced to go into the payment program I am going to talk about in a little bit. If you choose to not assume the debt created by your own actions and die, tough shit.

2. From now on all those without insurance verification will be forced to produce some sort of national/state identification. If you are an illegal alien and show up for free health care you will either have to enroll in the payment program or identify your employer who will be forced to pick up the tab.

I don't give a shit if you're bleeding all over the fucking place, if you are not an AMERICAN CITIZEN no free health care for you. How fucking hard is that? I don't want to hear any libs whining "you just hate foreigners" and start doing the typical "you're just a racist xenophobe" argument. All I know is that someone who isn't a citizen of this country is taking money and care out of the hands of my fellow Americans. If anyone gets free health care it is Americans first, everyone else second.

3. If you are admitted to a health care facility for treatment for an ailment sustained during an illegal act (robbery, police chase, etc) and do not have health insurance you will NOT receive free emergency care. Your careless actions endangered others and showed how little regard you have for human life, now the shoes on the other foot. If we manage to take care of everyone else including little Timmy with a splinter in his finger we might get to you, if not and you bleed out too bad beetch.

4. There will be a serious overhaul of the medical malpractice lawsuit payments. If you win a judgment it will be a maximum of $1 Million or a projected 20 years of your income, which ever is greater. Lawyers will only be able to collect a maximum of 2% of the award (I bet this cuts down on a ton of the lawsuits). There is a reason why doctors get sued more than any other profession, because there is so much money out there that greedy lawyers want to get their hands on. Juries unfortunately treat his money as if it's coming out of some magical pot in a fucking leprechauns castle. It isn't, that money is being paid for by you and me indirectly because of the ever increasing cost of health care.

This even counts in cases of death in a hospital. Many times people just die in hospitals folks. They may be old, have complications from other medical conditions, or may arrive in an unsaveable state. You will not be able to file a malpractice lawsuit if you arrive at the hospital due to illegal actions on your behalf. If you get shot robbing a liquor store and then die, your family can't sue the doctor I don't' care if he leaves a sammich in your lungs.

If a doctor is guilty of gross negligence on their part then we have a system to punish them, it's called the legal system. They will go to jail for their crimes. We hear the argument (by lawyers, surprise surprise) "can you really put a price on someone's pain and suffering?" I can, it's called getting porked in the ass for 10 years in Sing Sing because you fucked up and operated on a patient drunk.

Now....if you show up for health care and are unable to pay you will go into the "Carnonymous Payment Program". What happens is you fill out an application form detailing your income, expenses, any luxury items owned, lifestyle (do you smoke, drink, do drugs), and you will submit to a credit check.

If you are found to be someone who truly is pinching every penny to get buy, and lead a relatively healthy lifestyle then you will benefit from free care. You are working your ass off and need a little help, and you deserve it.

However if upon filling out your application for free health care and for example we find:

-You have a $500 cell phone, and 4 other cell phones in the family
-You wear $400 basketball sneakers
-Drive a car over $20,000 in current value
-Own a high end computer
-Own multiple current generation video game systems
-Have expensive jewelry that is not a family heirloom
-Own a big screen or high definition tv
-Have high speed Internet and/or Satellite TV or Digital Cable
-Have non factory wheels and tires on your vehicle worth more than $2,000 combined
-Own multiple expensive suits (over $500 each in value)
-Have a wardrobe full of name brand clothes such as Ambercrombie & Fitch, GAP, Sean John and other fairly expensive brands

It is obvious that you don't know which items in your life to put a priority on. Instead of buying those 20" Spinners for your car you could of paid for a year of health care for your daughter you prick.

So you will not receive any Federally subsidized health care. However you can receive care if you put up items of value which will be held until your payment of your debt. Think of it as a pawn shop for health care. If you can't pay off your debt within a reasonable amount of time the items will be auctioned to cover your debt. Now not to be uncaring or uncompassionate, the Federal government will cover 50% of the cost of medical treatment in situations that are "unplanned/accidental" such as:

-An appendectomy
-An automobile accident (in cases where you are not committing a crime)

Or other cases such as that. I am sure some of you are axing, "Carnonymous what if I am shot during a robbery and have no health care, should I deserve to die since I don't have insurance?".

Of course you shouldn't. What will happen is you will be covered completely free of charge for this emergency care. Your assailant however will be responsible for your bill upon their capture. If they are unable to pay it a comparable value of their property will be seized and sold to cover the debt they caused.

The billions of dollars this will save will allow the government to do many great things such as:

-Free full health care for all American citizens until the age of 18 or until graduation from college (or if you are in college the age of 24. No professional students please) if their parents do not have health insurance

-Construction of a 20 story golden statue of myself in tribute to my genius.

Einstein ain't got shit on me.