Frankies 4th Of July Fireworks Fiasco (The Webster Chronicles)

Man what a fucking amazing 4th of July this was, you guys won't freakin believe it. I am still recovering due to the copious amounts of beer ingested, and this may be the greatest tale in the Webster Chronicles yet. Now while this doesn't involve Webster, my neighbors fat son, it involves another member of his family. His equally fat and even stupider brother Frankie.

Well as is the norm for the 4th of July at Casa De Carnonymous, I throw a little get together where we cookout and get completely trashed. I only get drunk about 3 times a year, the 4th of July, New Years, and my birthday. So it's about 1PM and I have already downed about 14 beers, I was trying to take it slow this time.

I'm grilling some of my world famous Carnonymousburgers with my super secret baste on them, when Frankie comes walking by. First of all the retard was wearing a big American Flag t-shirt and shorts with the Brazillian flag on them (Frankies dad is from Brazil and he's always flying that damned flag from their porch, and the back of their car has the Brazillian flag on it too. If Brazil is so awesome then whey the fuck are you here?) which for some reason just irked me. Don't get me wrong I love the USA, I think she's the greatest nation ever, but idiots that wear that crap once a year and think that makes them patriotic are idiots. Plus this is the 4th of July, the celebration of AMERICA not Ameribrazillia. They need to have some more respect and maturely celebrate our nations birthday like me.

Well as I was downing beer number 15 and followed it with a tequila shooter, Frankie decided to ruin my 4th by talking to me.

"Hey Carnonymous, those burgers smell good can I have one?" Frankie axed as he was slobbering, it was disgusting he looked like Beethoven that dog in all those goddamned awful Disney movies.

"Hmmmm let me see Frankie, how about no way in hell buddy? This is the 4th of July and these hamburgers are only for Americans you douchebag." I told him

"But I am an American, carnonymous, give me a goddamn burger" Frankie yelled.

"Frankie if you were really an American you wouldn't be wearing another countries flag you retard" I informed him.

Frankie shot me the finger and went over to his porch to sulk. He then went and got that damned Brazillian flag and hung it up and started blasting a bunch a bunch of gibberish Brazillian music.

At this point I was really super pissed off so I decided that I was gonna show him what being an American was all about. So I went and got my American Flag and got it all set up, started blasting some Tobi Keef music (I hate Tobi Keef but he was a good counter to Frankie's crap music), and started really pounding the Budweiser's all for the US of A.

After playing Tobi for about 30 minutes Frankie finally surrendered and turned off his crappy music. He came over and apologized to me and then axed for a burger. I told him he could have one on one condition. Me and my friends wanted to see a fireworks display, and if he could get some fireworks and impress us we would give him all the burgers he wanted.

As luck would have it there's a fireworks stand about 500 yards away from the apartment complex. So Frankie stole the apartment complex golf cart (it's one of those super fancy ones they use to take potential residents around the place in) drove off to the stand and came back with like $100 worth of fireworks (all this to get a $5 hamburger, like I said Frankie isn't too bright). I would be willing to bet Frankie got the money from dealing weed, which is what has sent him to jail a couple times, like I said not too bright.

Well Frankie came pulling up with all these fireworks loaded into the back of the golf cart. He said he wanted a burger and I told him first he has to hold up on his end of the deal. So he said he was gonna go setup the fireworks, swung the cart around and started driving away. Well at that moment I just happened to be smokin a cig and as Frankie drove off I flicked it away. Well the wind must of caught it or something cuz it landed right in the back of the golf cart.

I thought about yelling a warning to Frankie, but one of my friends yelled that the TV was coming back from commercial so I of course had to go back inside. Well like 45 seconds later we start hearing all these explosions.

We ran outside to see Frankie gunning the golf cart as fast as he could, and fireworks were shooting out of the back of it. Frankie kept looking back and screaming everytime one went off. It never occurred to him that since the fireworks were in the back seat that no matter how fast he drove the cart, the fireworks/explosions weren't going to get any further away. Like I said Frankie's an idiot.

Well he was too busy looking backwards, screaming, and punching the gas to realize he was swerving the cart. He drove it right off the road, onto the grass, crashed through the fence around the community pool, and that's where we lost site.

So we all ran out to the pool and it was complete chaos. Frankie had apparently run over Mrs. Lankenburgs poodle and killed it then drove the cart straight into the pool. This put out the fire and kept the rest of the fireworks from exploding, but ruined everyone else's 4th of July because they had to shut down the pool.

Can you believe that when the cops showed up that Frankie tried to blame everything on me? That's simply outrageous, granted my accidental flick of my cig might of set off the fireworks (or it could of been spontaneous combustion, that's just as likely), but I never made Frankie steal the golf cart and load it up with $100 worth of fireworks.

God bless the USA.