I Really Hate My Neighbors Fat Son (The Webster Chronicles)

So at my pimpalacious apartment complex I had the misfortune of having my neighbors move out and this crappy family move in. Its not even so much that I don't like the family, I just really don't like their fat son.

The kids name is Webster, and if that isn't enough of a reason to pick on him he's 12 years old and is already pushing 200 pounds. The kid has got some serious titties going on, he better hope that some deranged Boy Scout troop leader doesn't drive by and kidnap his ass for a summer of sodomy.

To make matters worse I live on the 2nd story of my building. So I have to listen to Webster wheeze his ass up the stairs every day. It sounds like a broken down vacum cleaner is going up the stairs, seriously here's what I hear.

"Step, step, step, step, KAWHEeeeeeeeeeeze PA, Step, Step, Step, Step, KAWHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZE PA".

It sickens me to have to listen to this. The other day I am sitting down and trying to watch The Wiggles, and during the middle of "Head Shoulders Knees and Toes" I start hearing that old familiar weezing. So I turn my volume up to 40 on my Sony Flat Screen. The weezing got louder.

So I turn on my surround sound system and crank it up, thus surrounding me with 100 watts a channel of Wiggles surround soundeygoodness. But the weezing got louder.

I wanted to make sure I didn't miss my favorite part, where the Asian Wiggle starts yawning and sleeping, so I ran outside and yanked open my door. "Webster quiet down, some of us are trying to watch the Wiggles. QUIT WHEEZING GODDAMMIT!" I yelled at him. Webster took one look at me and started crying. Serves him right. When I got back in I had missed the goddamn part where Asian Wiggle starts yawning.

I should of gone outside and pushed Webster back down the stairs, but then Lazy Town came on so I decided to spare Webster for the moment. He better thank his lucky stars that a strangely mesmerzing Icelandic kids show came on at just the right moment.

So today I am running late for work, I had been out late the previous night catching Sin City (which kicked ass by the way). So I am in a rush, but should be able to make it on time if I hurry.

I dash out of my door to find Webster going down the stairs. Big deal you say. Well Webster is so fucking wide that it is impossible for me to pass him, combine that with the fact that Stephen Hawking could beat his ass in a footrace and I think you see where I am going. It literally took me two minutes to get down a flight of stairs cuz Shamu had to stop every 4 or 5 steps to catch his breath like he's descending from Everest.

Well I ended up being like 5 minutes late to work thanks to Webster. Thats okay, I already figuring out ways to get back at him. I'll let you know more later.