My Plan To Rule Midget Town

Apparently theres this town in New York state that is comprised entirely of midgets. Thats right midgets, dwarfs, little people, . whatever you want to call them. Apparently tired of being asked to do scenes from Leprechaun and Willow they have moved to their own little town.

Everything in the town is midget sized; midget houses, midget post office, go go power wheels police cars and fire trucks, crap like that. But I have heard that these midgets are militant and don't like outsiders to come in to their town. This of course totally makes me want to go even more.

I was thinking about it and saying "carnonymous these uppity midgets might be trouble and really not want you there".....then I remembered something very important.......THEY'RE FREAKIN MIDGETS!!!

I did some internet recon of midget town and found out it has between 1,500-1700 residents. At first this seemed like a daunting number, then I realized thats like 1,500-1,700 3rd graders, suddenly the task seemed alot more possible. I have decided to gather an army of giants such as myself and take off to assault and take over midget town.


Follow The Yellow Brick Road 

I figure once I get close enough I should be able to find the way to the town by following the yellow brick road. Once we come to the gates of midget town we will break them down and then begin to torch and pillage the town. However we will stop and call out the Midget Town Council.

I will offer them a chance for us to leave, they have to compete against me and my clan of giants in a series of challenges. If they win we leave forever, if we win then I become the undisputed emperor of Midget Town and the citizens my slaves.

The Challenges Will Be:

1. Slam Dunk Contest: It will be on one of those really imposing 6' tall Nerf Basketball Goals. The only member of Team Willow I have to worry about is Willy "Big Air" Johnson, who apparently can achieve a commanding 6'2" verticle leap.


Phi Slamma Jamma 

2. Aquatic Endurance Test: This will be held at the Herve Villanche Memorial Pool in Midget Town. Team Carnonymous and Team Willow will have to stay in the deep end of the pool (5'8" deep) until no members of one team are left. Team Willow will be forced to tread water for an agonizing amount of team, meanwhile Team Carnonymous works on their tans as they stand in the water.

3. Opponent Tossing Contest: Members of each team will have to toss members of the other team, points are accumulated based on total distance thrown.

Of course I expect total domination of Team Willow, and after destroying them in this contest I will set myself up as ruler....excuse me Emperor of Midget Town. The first order of bidness will be to rename it Carnonymousburg.

Since I will be a benevolent all knowing all powerful God-Emperor of Carnonymousburg I will do everything I can to help these people. Here are the first major changes I will make:

1. Economic: I will proceed to open up a Chocolate Factory/Theme Park. Of course the citizens will be forced to dress the part of Ooompa Loompas and sing every hour the "Ooompa Loompa Song". Here it is :


Oooompa Looompa 

2. Cultural: I will bring major cinema to Carnonymousburg with weekly showings of some of the greatest cinema ever made with midgets in it. It will include Willow, Jackass The Movie, Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory, and Willow.

My god this will so freakin rule, how could I be any more brilliant?