Hootie and the Blowme: AKA Karma Exists

One of the most painful memories I have of high school is having to listen to Hootie and The Blowfish. How this fratparty band ever got big is beyond me. Not only were they responsible for some of the worst songs ever created they made incredibly crappy videos too.

I am fairly sure all their songs had alot of latent homosexuality in them as well. Don't get me wrong I don't have anything wrong with gay folks, its all well and good, but there was something about these songs that were just a little.......off.

I mean with titles such as "Hold My Hand", "I only want to be with you", and the fact that all the videos only featured guys no hot chicks it made me wonder. Even during the days of Hair Metal where all the singers and band guys wore panty hose and had on makeup and their hair was poofier than any broads, the videos still featured loads of chicks. Yeah Rikki Rocket looks like a complete homo with his poofy hair, but he has more breasts around him than Colonel Sanders so that negates it all.

I remember not being sure if I was going to vomit or pop a boner as I made out and felt up this broad back in high school while Hootie was playing in the backround. It seemed everytime Major Frank Dong was rising to the occassion the volume would increase and I would hear "I only want be with youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu", BAM instant bile reflex.

One chick I was trying to bang in high school LOVED Hootie, so I was forced to listen to it all the time while driving around, hanging out whatever. Guys' bitch about going to some pussy Hugh Grant movie, hey at least after 90 minutes thats over. Think of being in a NEVERENDING Hugh Grant movie and you know the hell that was my life that year.

Well the chickens have finally come home to roost. Yesterday my prayers were answered and I caught what may be the greatest commercial of all time. It was a commercial for Burger King and it featured none other than Darius Tucker the lead singer dressed as Howdy Doody and singing about Chicken Sammichs.

I realize the guy has more money than I probably ever will (at least I think he does, if he is shilling for Burger King maybe not), but it is so freakin hilarious to see how the mighty have fallen.

There's only one black man that can dress that way and not look ridiculous. His name was Cowboy Curtis and he was on Pee Wees Playhouse. Darius Tucker looks like Chairey could make him his bitch in that commercial.


Hootie Falls On Hard Times 


Want something even FUNNIER? Go to a Hootie message board and hear the hootie fans trying to defend it and work it around to where this is a genius idea by Darius. It ain't genius that made him do this, it's bills.

Now if I can just see the members of LFO, Backstreet Boys, NSync, and Avril Lavenge dressed as animals and shilling for Chucky Cheese all my prayers will be complete.