The Rant Archive

Below Are The Various Rants I Have Written On Everything From Pop Culture To Politics





1. Jaws 4 Is The Most Informative Movie EVER


2. Yes You're Emo & You Suck


3. Ashlee Simpson Is Either Brilliant Or Retarded


4. Arrested Development Cancelled? Stupidest Fox Move EVER


5. I Vomited All Over Myself: AKA 7th Heaven Musical Episode


6. Breaking News: You Aren't Black


7. Star Wars Episode III: AKA Lucas Fists Us Again


8. Hootie And The Blowme: AKA Karma Exists


9. Vin Diesel: Gay Porn Star?


10. Fattys In Scooters & The Amish, Why Obesity Isn't A Disease


11. Boner Pills: Medical Problem Or Fat Wife (Here's A Hint, It's Fat Wives)


12. Jesse Jackson Champion Of The People


13. Hendrix, Clapton......ESTEBAN???


14. My Plan To Rule Midget Town


15. Cl.One Is The 2nd Worst Film Of All Time And I Want My Damn Money Back


16. I Think I'm Going To Torture A Puppy (My One Comment On Terri Schiavo)


17. Hillary Swanks Hubby Is A Tub Of Blubbering Poon


18. Hey Gwen Stefani Blondie Called And She Wants Her Act Back


19. Teacher/Student Relationships, A Disturbing Trend


19. I Am Going To Release Ebola Infected Monkeys Into The Real World House


20. Do Yourself A Favor Catch Kung Fu Hustle


21. A Note To Bono, Shut The Hell Up


22. Don't Call This A Blog (I Am Changing Names)


23. My 3 Step Process To Cure Aids, Cancer, and Ebola


24. Mr T, Better Than Those Tools On American Idol


25. Metrosexualism (Or Real Men Don't Take Facials)


26. Bad Dudes Is The Sweetest Game EVER


27. I Hate It When Celebrities Get Sick


28. So You're A Vampire? Well Then Say Hello To My Stake


29. Carl Winslow Was On The Take


30. Maury Povich Is The Worlds Greatest Salesman


31. 10 TV Shows I Would Rather Have A Coca Cola Enema Than Watch


32. George Lucas Is Americas Best Paid Whore


33. Cowboy Troy: AKA Black Folks Get Their Revenge For Vanilla Ice


34. Attention Fat Broads, If You're A Size 12 You Can't Wear A Size 2


35. I Have Serious Problems With Porno Previews


36. Jurassic Park 4 Is Experiencing Script Issues: I Ask "What's The Fucking Problem?" (And Solve It)


37. Live 8: The Worlds First Transcontinental Circle Jerk


38. The Chipmunks: Family Fun Or Animated Pedophelia?


39. Health Care Crisis? Here's My Solution


40. America Is Becoming More Stupider And Lazier


41. If There Really Is A Just And Loving God Hurricane Katrina Wouldn't Of Hit New Orleans......It Would Of Hit The MTV Video Music Awards


42. Thank God I'm White (How Libs Have Convinced Me Bush Really Is Out To Get Blacks)


43. Extermination Camps: Who's On My Lists


44. Hogan Knows Best Has The Potential To Be The Best Show EVER


45. Ted Kennedys Writing A Book, How Do I Know Swimming Isn't Involved?


46. Tookie Dies, Libs Cry...Somewhere I Am Smiling


47. 20 Things I Would Rather Do Than Watch The Omen On Opening Day


48. I Really Hate Steve Harvey And I Can't Explain Why


49. Prince Should Do Every Soundtrack Out There


50. If I Was A Serial Killer "Americas Got Talent" Would Give Me A Lifetime Of Victims


51. Holy Shit They're Making Roadhouse 2. Does This Mean Patrick Swayze Will Write A Sequel To "She's Like The Wind"?


52. Why Do Fat Broads Always Control Their Men?


53. Al Jolson Was Way Ahead Of His Time


54. Phil Of The Future Is A Motherfucking Fraud:AKA Carnonymous Speaks On Y2K, Peak Oil, Bird Flu And The Rest Of The Things Sure To End The World