Breaking News: YOU AREN'T BLACK

Yesterday I was out at Best Buy looking for some new games for my X Box. For some ungodly reason they put the shit I want to look at at the back of the store, thus guranteeing that I have to walk past the music section, film section, every freakin section to get to the X Box games.

Well after picking out Mercenaries Playground Of Destruction (a kick ass game) and a couple flicks, I started walking up to check out. Walking back I had to pass through the music section, I was about to exit it when I heard this:

"daaaaaaaamn girl holla at a dog"

I turned around to see who said this, from tone, vernacular, and way it was said I was expecting a black dude. Well I turn around to see a 16 year old WHITE kid, trying to hit on one of the Best Buy chicks. She blew him off by telling him to talk to her once his balls dropped and he got pissed and called her "a fat ass ho" I seriously think I shit my pants a little cuz I was laughing so hard, but I stuck around cuz I saw a couple of his obvious friends walking up to him.

Two other white kids, one with a wife beater and jeans he had to keep hitching up every second or 3rd step. The other one had on a FUBU t-shirt, ball cap tilted sideways on his head and a skull cap underneath, and what I am sure he thought passed for a touche looking mustache. It seriously looked like he took 3 pubes and glued em to his upper lip.

This is something I see EVERY freakin day. The area I live in is mostly populated by upper middle to upper class white folks. Which mean their rich kids dress like poor black ghetto kids. Nothing says "I'm a poor black ghetto kid" like a $600 outfit of Sean John clothes.

Yo dawg I have been oppressed, quick to my dads Benz to listen to Fitty Cent and reflect upon how far we have come.

In addition to trying to "talk black", these kids dress what they think is black, and try to act like what they see on MTV. It would be hilarious if it wasn't so friggin sad. I think I have finally come up with a solution so they realize how stupid they are.

Every kid that is not black that wants to act that way I am going to offer one helicopter ride to the middle of Harlem. I then want them to:

- Start rapping "Fitty Cent" lyrics like they do in the mall.
- Continue to use words like "dawg, nigga, yo, biznatch, holla, brutha,any variation of izzle, and bling bling" in their sentences
- Do the "pimp walk" as they move around
- Do the "brutha" hand shake with 15 million moves

If they can do that and survive for more than 10 minutes I will officially certify them as a black person.

Any takers?