I Am Going To Release Ebola Infected Monkeys Into The Real World House

If there's one show I loathe more than any other, I think it has to be The Real World. Never have I seen such a collection of narcissistic, self absorbed, petty little bitches. I guess the first Real World was okay, it was original and people weren't acting for the friggin cameras. Now every Real World has the following types:


-Slutty Chick That Needs Attention: She usually talks about sex all the time, then bitches how people can't handle her sexuality and "being real". Bangs at least one housemate, plus a bunch of random dudes.

-Flamingly Gay Guy: He declares in the first episode that he's gay, as if his clothing and demeanor don't give it away immediately to anyone but Helen Keller. He usually has to confront at least one housemate that isn't comfortable with gays, they both eventually reach a realization midway though the season that gays are people too. WOW!

-Southern Boy/Frat Daddy: This guy shows up and acts like he's the biggest pimp in the universe. Usually comes into conflict with the gay guy cuz he's "uncomfortable" with homosexuals. Many times he hooks up with the slutty chick.

-Angry Black Guy/Girl: This person is really into their culture, usually has difficulty being around white people. Tends to find some kind of racists undertones in everything anyone else says. Like for instance Slutty Chick goes "Hey I love this Britney Spears song, slave for you" and Angry Black Person goes into a rage over it. Sometimes isolates him/herself from the rest of the house, usually gets into a fight with slutty chick and calls her a white hobag or whatnot.

-Dude/Girl In A Relationship: This person whines and crys about their significant other. They act as if being 6 months apart is a huge challenge for them. We are usually treated to many scenes of them crying on the phone. They or their significant other cheats at least once, leading to a painful phonecall. If its the housemate, they say how they need space but also proclaim how they still love their significant other. They then proceed to nail everyone in sight, then at the end of the show say "wow I realize now that my bf/gf back home is who I need to be with".

-The Drunk/Party Person: This guy or girl goes out and gets hammered constantly. All the other housemates bitch about this one behind their back, but eventually have some shitty intervention on air.

-The Bitch/Asshole: This guy or girl pisses everyone off. They are usually complete pricks, but then bitch that "nobody can stand that I am real, I say whats on my mind and if people don't like that its too bad. I keep it real".

Sometimes one person can be more than one type, but every season usually features these kind of folks, and I CAN'T FUCKING STAND IT. A few weeks ago I was, for some ungodly reason, watching The Real World and here's what I saw.

Some black chick was crying and telling someone she can't work with disabled kids, cuz they scared her as a little kid and she just doesn't think she can do it. Well later on after she is forced to work with the disabled kids and realizes they aren't raving monsters she talks about "oh I realized that Lisa is just a normal beautiful little girl, I'm so proud I could see that".

OH WOW, You are so proud you realized that a retarded kid isn't some blood sucking flesh eating monster and is an actual human being. Guess what you get Shavonda? Thats right, you get the Douchebag Of The Millenium award. Here you go.


Shavonda: Scared Of Retards 


And now the final straw....they are filming the fucking Real World in Texas, in my homestate, in Austin my home turf. I have walked past the Real World Austin house twice already, I wanted to piss on it but there were too many security folks around. Mark my words I will piss on this house.

Until that point arrives though, I just dropped a ton of cash to have some Ebola infected monkeys flown here all the way from Africa. I am going to release them into the Real World house then watch how these douchebags keep it real as they are bleeding to death out their asses, THATS REAL BITCH.