I'm Going To Be Famous One Day, And Goddess Bunny Will Be In My Entourage

Ladies and gents, meet Goddess Bunny transvestite tapdancer superstar.





I am fully convinced that one day I will be semi famous (in a Jeremy Piven kind of way. My fans know and love me, but I can still walk down the street) due to my acting or writing/directing. Right now my brother and I are working on a super secret script of a tv series that is pure genius, more on that later.

I have already decided that when I hit it big I will abuse my celebrity to seriously fuck with people, both literally and figuratively. I will make sure to go through the ranks of "It Girls" and Maxim pinups with a fervor that will make Wilt Chamberlin proud. I also plan on using my celebrity to get away with stuff a normal turd such as you guys wouldn't be able to do. First of all I have to assemble my entourage. So far I have decided I really want to have:

-Styles from Teen Wolf
-Michael Clark Duncan
-Goddess Bunny

in my posse. This is in addition to the normal friends, hanger ons, and current broads the star is banging that are in normal entourages. Picture these two scenarios and don't tell me they don't absolutely crack you up.

I want to buy an old German style motorcycle with a sidecar and just go tooling around Hollywood with me driving and Michael Clark Duncan hunched up in the sidecar. MCD would be wearing duster goggles and a flying scarf and I would have on a snorkel mask. We would just basically drive around Hollywood (or maybe even take this act to small towns across the country) and pull up at intersections. Look over at the people next to us but never say a word and when the light hits green just peel out leaving people going "Did I.....did...did I just see Carnonymous and Michael Clark Duncan?"

I figure having MCD in my entourage also will afford me a lot of protection since he has his swoll on. My bro and I also want to be "Hollywood Bad Boys" like Sean Penn back in the day. But we would only start shit with people we are sure we could beat up. So you would read stories about us showing up wasted to the Nickelodeon Kids Choice Awards and getting into a knife fight with Bea Arthur and Vern Troyer (Mini Me from Austin Powers), bad ass shit like that.

But the one thing I really want to do is get Goddess Bunny to go with us to a REALLY big awards show. I guess I'm getting ahead of myself though, because I am sure plenty of you are saying who the hell is Goddess Bunny. Goddess Bunny is a man (who is apparently now a woman) who was stricken with polio as a child and is now a huge star in the underground Hollywood gay/transvestite/freaky shit scene. He/She does these really fucked up videos, of which you can see a full one here.


Go watch it, at least the first part where there's tapdancing. Go ahead, I'm gonna go get a beer anyways..........

Okay you're back, freaky shit huh? Well picture this. It's The Emmys/Oscars, this super fancy supposedly serious awards show. This is the time when idiot actors like Ray Romano and Charlie Sheen try to pretend they are actually doing something that matters in life, they treat it like they're getting the Nobel Prize because they cured cancer. Due to an incident where I punched out 2/3rds of the cast of Laguna Beach at the MTV Movie Awards I'm on thin ice. All the networks have been told to watch me and make sure I don't do anything bad. So I arrive dressed up in a really nice tux, looking all good, being completely serious. Of course I have some hot broad like Angelina Jolie or Lindsay Bigcans on my arm (probably both). Everythings normal I'm saying all the right things, being polite, acting like everything's cool.....but then here comes Goddess Bunny tapdancing behind me.

How fucking funny would it be to see me on TV taking to that harpy Joan Rivers about whatever fucking designer I'm wearing, or some idiot MTV News reporter and in the background Goddess Bunny is just tap tap tappin away. Of course I won't say A SINGLE WORD about her, and she won't say anything. You know that's the only thing on the interviewers minds, but they'll be too afraid to ask anything about her.

Goddess Bunny will have a seat with my group at the show, but the whole time keep her trap shut. Then whenever we win an award we'll go up on stage and I'll have Michael Clark Duncan carry her up on stage like Emmanuel Lewis had done to him by Michael Jackson. He'll set her down and while I'm making my acceptance speech for Best Comedy Series she'll just start tapping away.

Maybe midway through the show when the host is making everyone snooze with their canned jokes (probably some turd like Ray Romano or Ellen Degeneres) I might encourage Goddess Bunny to jump up on stage and start bust into the robot behind the host. Once again everyone will be too weirded out to say anything about it, which would just be sooooooooooooooo fucking funny.

Jesus Christ I'm a genius.