Webster Goes To The Movies (The Webster Chronicles)

Well it's been awhile since we had an update on Webster, my neighbors fat son that I really hate so I thought I'd share this little story with you all.


This past weekend I decided to go see the movie Serenity (which actually wasn't too bad). Well as me and my friends were waiting in line to get some concessions who did I see.

Well first things first, I guess I should say "who the hell could I not of missed seeing?". I mean this was the first time I have seen Webster since he got back from Shady Grove Fat Kids Camp. Well all I can say is I hope his parents got their damn money back, cuz Webster actually looks FATTER now than when he left. Of course that could of been from all the Baby Ruths and Cokes I had been mailing him at Fat Camp so he wouldn't lose weight. I mean after all a grown man picking on a skinny little kid is just sad, but a grown man picking on a super fat little kid is hilarious.

Anyways so Webster is in front of me and orders:

-Super Jumbo Popcorn
-500 Oz Soda

at that point I chimed in "Hey Webster looking trim buddy"

He turned around "really Carnonymous"

"Of course not you fat little turd, maybe you should buy the small popcorn and a diet soda. It would save money and wouldn't make you quite as fat." I replied.

Well Webster shot me the finger (I mean how rude is that, what a little turd have some manners) and ordered the Super Duper Jumbo Popcorn with about 6" of butter dripped on it, the 700Oz Soda, Nachos, Nestle Cruncha Buncha, and a box of Nerds.

After watching him waddle off, I got a bottle of water and a popcorn. Well me and my group all went into Serenity which was absolutely packed, it was a sellout.

Well there were people left standing so one of the ushers came in and axed if there's an empty seat next to you if you could move down to make room. Everyone did and there were still people standing.

Then I spotted it.....and smiled...and I mean it was perfect....I looked about 6 rows down from me and there was Webster taking up 2 seats with his tubby ass. I raised my hand and called the usher over. I pointed out that the fat kid was taking up 2 seats and axed "hey doesn't this theater have a policy like the airlines? That if it's sold out you have to buy two tickets or something if you're a fatty?"

He said I was correct then went down to axe Webster if he had two tickets. Webster said no and the usher told Webster he would either have to buy another ticket or only take up one seat.

Webster started complaining he didn't have any more money, then looked up at me laughing my balls off. The rude little tyke shot me the finger and said "Carnonymous, did you tell him to do this, you know I don't have the money for another ticket".

"Goddamit Webster, I'm trying to teach you an important life lesson and look out for your health. If you had spent less money on concessions you would be able to afford that 2nd ticket and would only be consuming 1,800 calories instead of 4,200, thus making you less fat. Jeeeez at least be appreciative of those trying to help you", I said.

Well Webster was forced to move the armrests around him down and only take up one seat. You guys ever see those square watermelons they sell in Japan? Well that's pretty much what Webster looked like. Except he was so fat quite a bit of this watermelon named Webster spilled over the arm rests. The only problem was Webster cried for like 5 minutes, something about not being able to breathe and the armrests hurting him. Finally this huge black guy sitting to him said "shut the hell up white boy or I'm gonna smack the fat out of you".

What a great evening I mean lets sum it up:

-Great dinner at Super Fancy Chilis earlier
-Webster publicly embarrased
-Webster uncomfortable during the whole movie which ruined it for him
-Seeing a black guy saying he was gonna slap the fat out of Webster

Oh yeah, the movie was pretty good too.