If I Was A Serial Killer "Americas Got Talent" Would Give Me A Lifetime Of Victims

So there's this craptastic new show on called "Americas Got Talent" which is funny because it's hosted by a man with absolutely none. I can't think of a better place to either:

A. Be the site of a major natural disaster (earthquake, tsunami, Star Jones crapping)

B. Find victims to kill if you are a serial killer

I mean first to of all the show is hosted by Regis Philbin, that's too good an opportunity right there. Why this completely fake, ephedra fueled douche is beloved by millions is beyond me. In the opening segment Philbin introduced the judges and when describing Sir David Hasselhoff he actually referred to him wearing that super fancy lit up jacket that he wore while singing at the Berlin Wall. That would be funny if I wasn't so sure that Philbin (and Hasselhoff) actually thought that was a true accomplishment.

But the Rege isn't the only one that makes me think this show and it's members are ripe for a much justified painful death. I mean in this first episode (from what I could watch before passing out from projectile vomiting) we got to see a:

-Professional Finger Snapper: This assclown calls himself Bobby Badfingers, and he's a professional finger snapper. Guess who dropped out of high school because he just knew he was gonna be a big Hollywood Star and is still living in mom and dad's basement? I'll give you two guesses and the first one doesn't count. I don't know this guy and I seriously want to kill him he just looks like a huge douchebag. No man should ever have a black mustache, black pants, black shirt, and black sunglasses unless his name is Burt Reynolds.

-Horn Guy: Some guy runs around wearing a suit of bike horns. Like the kind that 8 year old kids of 30 year old retards honk on their bicycles with storage bins on the front. Now if this guy wanted to impress me he should run around in a suit covered with dildos because that's exactly what he is.

-Two Chicks, Guy, And A Donkey: There's only one place in the world where this would be entertaining, and that place is called Tijuana Mexico. Lord knows that show sure as hell wouldn't be allowed on tv.

-Bernie The 60 Something Old Guy Stripper: I take back my comments on the fingersnapping dude, this old stripper is the biggest douchebag of the night. Men, like fat chicks, should not be strippers. That's a job for coked up teenage and early 20's single mothers, leave it to the professionals please.

-Rapping Granny: Good god you have to be at least 86 years old, JUST DIE.

This show is amusing in a train wreck kind of way but if they really wanted to make it interesting to watch there should be some kind of punishment or danger involved. Like if you don't get picked to move on you get thrown in a pit full of snakes or half to sit in a room for eternity listening to deaf people sing karaoke. If the network was truly interested in helping mankind they would do something.....ANYTHING to keep these people from hitting the street again.