20 Things I Would Rather Do Than Watch The Omen On Opening Day

Well todays June 6th, 2006. For the idiots that want to count it this way today's date is 06/06/06 or 666. The makers of The Omen remake have chosen to use today as the opening date for what will surely be a shitty remake. Lets say today is the end of the world which it very well could be. I mean after all right now that douchebag Kevin Federline still has more money than me, Rosie Odonell still is employed on television, and goddamned Rodney is still on ABC, all signs of a possible coming apocalypse.

So lets say that today, 666, is the last day on earth. Well I can sure as hell think of a lot of things, 666 to be exact but here are 20, that I would do instead of going to see a shitty remake of an awesome movie. So here they are:

1. Challenge a midget to a slam dunk competition to the death.

2. Go up to that hot MILF at work and go "lets play doorbell, DING DONG" and poke the nipple on her new store boughts. Seriously though, dont' go get a new rack and wear low cut tight shirts then get mad when people notice them.

3. Kidnap JJ Abrams and make him tell me what the fuck is going on with LOST

4. Try all the 18 varietys of Samuel Adams, multiple times. Test out that Chaser stuff just in case the apocalypse doesn't happen. If hungover the next day sue Chaser.

5. Crash the filming of a The Truth commercial and axe those idiots why in the fuck they act like the only ones to blame about cancer are the tobacco companies.

6. Challenge a retard to a game of Hungry Hungry Hippos or Candy Land. Procede to beat his ass unmercifully and laugh my balls off.

7. Watch the entire Wrestlemania boxed set. Get pissed off during the Ted Dibiase vs Brutus The Beefcake Barber during Wrestlemania 5 because Brutus was basically Hulk Hogan lite, except with less wrestling moves (if thats possible) and no personality.

8. File a lawsuit against Joe Rogan and Doug Standhope for wrongful death, for killing the fucking Man Show. How in the fuck can you make a show based on dick jokes, beer, broads, boobs, and midgets suck? Jesus fucking Christ thats like the perfect recipe for a TV show and they ruined it.

8. Track down Clay Aiken and axe him who the fuck he thinks he is fooling, I don't think anyone is buying the lie. It's time for that guy to come out and admit the truth...... he obviously lip syncs.

9. Hang out wiff Kevin Dillon, but only if he's like Johnny Drama in real life.

10. Go around town and find people wearing those stuipd ass Vote For Pedro t-shirts. Go "hey it's a meeeeeee, it's a MARRRRIO!" then punch them in the face while wearing the power glove by Nintendo.

11. Spray paint "get over it" on the car of everyone with a "He's Not My President" bumper sticker.

12. Try to figure just why in the hell Everyone Loves Raymond.

13. Drive around a college campus and find douchebag frat guys wiff popped collars listening to rap and let them know they are not black.

14. Ask Satan why in the hell even he would curse mankind with the image of Cathy Bates naked in About Schmidt. Seriously after seeing that I was colorblind and could only smell the scent of limes for like 5 weeks.

15. Watch a marathon of the best episodes of Maury Povich featuring broads trying to figure out who they baby daddy be.

16. Absolutely nothing, which would qualify me to be one of the "personalities" on VH1 or E! countdown shows.

17. Go to the mall wiff a bullhorn and let the fat broads know that baby doll t-shirts don't look good on them. More on this later.

18. Go to Starbucks, explain to the 35 year old "barrista" that if I don't tip someone at 7 goddamn 11 for a $2 cup of coffee I sure as hell won't give someone a tip for a cup of coffee that costs twice as much. When he bitches that he's doing his job I tell him exactly, so don't expect a tip. If he's pissed at being 35 and having to serve coffee then he needs to get a real job.

19. Get hammered drunk and yell at a bunch of kids that The Easter Bunny and Santa Claus don't do that job anymore, it's really the kids parents. Then explain that The Easter Bunny and Santa moved to Miami beach and adopted a Brazilian kid named Diego who also serves as their house boy.

20. Track down Al Gore and tell him an inconvenient truth. That if you sit around and lecture people on global warming, yet at the same time fly around the world and produce far more pollution than THOUSANDS of people, well that makes you a hypocritical asshole.