10 TV Shows I Would Rather Have A Coca Cola Enema Than Watch

I am absolutely amazed at the utter lack of quality entertainment (asides from this page of course) out there. It seems there is no lack of shitty TV shows out there today. Most of them carry the common them of being "reality" TV, but there's plenty of crappy non-reality ones as well. Here's a few of the worst offenders:

1. Celebrity Poker: First of all I fucking hate the poker craze going on right now. I didn't think they could make watching a bunch of losers play poker any more vomit inducing. I was wrong. Whoever said "I know lets get a bunch of G List celebrities and put them on TV playing poker!" deserves a serious nut punch. WHO THE HELL WANTS TO WATCH SCOTT WOLF PLAY POKER WITH GODDAMN KATHY GRIFFIN?????

2. Extreme Home Makeover: Some Ryan Semen look alike (only gayer) picks some family that has had a tragedy, and cuz dad got eaten by sharks they get their crap house fixed up. Whoopee, pass the Coke.

3. The Dog Whisperer: A really really weird guy tries to show people how to discipline their pets. He does such things as talking about becoming the pack leader and crap like that. WOW, this is intense. I am seriously scared that dude screws animals he just weirds me out.

4. Last Call With Carson Daly: I can't stand Carson Daly. I personally hold him responsible for killing music, and for completing the transition of MTV from a Music Network, to complete crap. Thanks to Carson and his TRL bullcrap there are plenty of teeny boppers that probably think there are only 14 or 15 music artists out there. Now he has his own show on network TV where he interviews people, and its basically him kissing ass for an hour. This guy is a huge freakin tool.

5. American Idol: What can I say about this show.....hmmmm how about complete and utter bullshit. As if there aren't enough no talent pop stars in the world, we now have to have a talent contest that makes Star Search seem like high art. We get it okay, Simons a dick, Randy is the worlds whitest black man, and Paula’s a skank that can't say anything bad about anyone. This is the show that is indirectly responsible for "From Justin To Kelly", need I say anymore?

6. The Contender: Jesus Sly must really be hard up for cash. I used to be a Stallone fan, then he went down that long hill. You know the one that started with such flicks as Stop Or My Mom Will Shoot and Judge Dredd. I mean the show is just utterly ridiculous. How many times do I have to vomit at the irony of some guy praying to Jesus to help him before he steps into a ring to try and beat the living hell out of someone else? I would respect Sly more if he went back into porn instead of reality TV.

7. Sex And The City: Fuckin A I can't flick past TBS without seeing either an ad for Sex and The City, or an actual episode. How many times can we really rehash the following plot line "Horny skank 1 can't find love, so she complains to horny skank 2 who is in love, while at coffee with horny skanks 3 and 4. Hilarity ensues when Horny skank 2 realizes she's only with her current f buddy cuz he reminds her of Mr Rogers. Finish episode with all 4 horny skanks having a witty conversation over coffee on why New York is the greatest city ever, but they can't find love." Ladies just start licking poon and get it over with please.

8. Gilmore Girls: Hmmmmm some chick that’s 32 has a daughter that’s 18 who's smarter than her. Fill 20 minutes with witty conversations between mom and daughter that would never happen in real life while completely ignoring the fact that mom was a whore at age 14. Start shaking the Coke bottles.

9. Con With Skyler Stone: I am axing this question in all seriousness. Why in the fuck don't I have a TV show? If this staged piece of shit can get on the air, why hasn't SOMEONE from Comedy Central surfed onto my website, recognized my brilliance, and offered me a television show. The pain I feel watching this show means I think I have to go with Coke with Lime for this one.

10. Seventh FUCKING Heaven: Words can barely describe the complete and utter hatred I have for this television show. Not since......well actually NEVER have a seen a show with such ersatz sickeningly sweet story lines. This show makes Full House suddenly seem like high art. A fucking preacher with 7 kids and a wife who you know never gets any dong all love each other. We get it, everyone’s happy and everyone loves each other. To make it worse I seriously think every other episode is a "Very Special Seventh Heaven". The only special Seventh Heaven I want to see is where an Al Qaeda sleeper cell kidnaps everyone and cuts their heads off, man that would rock.